Tag Archives: los angeles

I stepped in it, like for real

glassI loved my turquoise sandals. I mean LOVED. I wore them all the time. Even when it was cold out. Until last week. I parked in an underground parking structure on Hollywood Boulevard while on my way to do some much needed retail therapy. I stepped out of my car and BOOM.  I stepped into a soft mound of….. FUCKING HUMAN FECES. I looked down and I saw it as well as some tissue I presume was used to clean someone’s hind-parts. My heart raced out of my chest and I wanted to scream so loud but I stood there and hyperventilated for at least one minute standing super-still hoping I had just imagined it. How the fuck could this happen? This can’t be real. Human feces? My favorite fucking sandals, RUINED. I tried to scrape it off on the concrete but they were so far gone. It then came down to decision time, what the fuck was I going to do… So…

I walked to the other side of my car, took the sandals off and got into my car barefoot. I abandoned my babies. I wanted to kill someone but I got it together. Drove to the other side of the garage. Put on shoes I had in the backseat, went shopping and kept it moving. I will tell you this though: If I EVER, EVER go to Hollywood & Western and see someone walking around in my sandals, someone is getting BOXED!