Beep Me 911?

So I was on the Metro (in DC) on my way home last night and there was this guy sitting right next to me… You know… Very very JimCarreyesque.  Someone was speaking on their cellphone, and LOUD. He blurts out, “that is what’s wrong with this fucking country”. Everything after that I tune out. He got up and paced back and forth on the crowded Metro train. I was on the “no eye contact with crazy people” position. Looking down at the Blackberry.  So of course I tweet about it.

It made me think about something. Why doesn’t 911 have a way for you to text them?

I, for one, would not want to call 911 on the train with this mofo. He would have heard me and jumped on me like a banshee. (Did I mention he was like 5’3″.) I was not about to get She-Ra in front of the people.  I am usually reserved on public transportation so people usually think I am a librarian or something. Imagine if I unloaded a can of whoop-ass on him in front of my everyday passengers. They would have seen me the next day and talked all kinds of shit about me. It probably would have been on youtube. I was NOT about to Epic Beard Man his ass.  

So… wouldn’t it have been dope in case of an emergency of that nature, if I could text 911 and tell them where we are and what was happening? #1 so Crazy-man-jack wouldn’t have to get his ass kicked and #2 for the safety of the public.

One more thing: Why in the world was there a woman escalating the situation, on some “that is why I love this country, crazy assholes like this can yell on the the train”. She would not stop! I saw the look in his eye! He would have grabbed that Shake-N-Go FreeTress DrawString Ponytail right off her head and no one would have done shit! People these days, I tell ya..

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5 thoughts on “Beep Me 911?

  1. Loved the story. Loved your writing style. Long ago I was in a N.Y. subway train and in comes this guy full of lights. He looked like a Xmas tree. He then announced that he was from planet X@#something and that his saucer had crashed. So he was asking for the donations of kind New Yorkers so that he could repair his ship. He, of course, took out a can and proceeded to ask for money. I, of course, gave him money. It was a worthy performance.

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